Thursday, 28 April 2011

Love and Marriage

My kind of LOVE (Bird and Bird's food at Jamie's Italian, Westfield)

Ahhh help! Catch me! I'm falling into the trap of the royal nuptials and am blogging about weddings and marriage.

Well no, I'm not, it's more a climax of coincidental timing which has induced a strange need to write about marriage. I have been thinking about weddings and what it means to get married, yes, because of the royal wedding but also because this summer my brother is marrying his long term very lovely girlfriend; slowly but surely I have become caught up in something of a wedding whirlwind despite my cynical self.

I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about marriage and getting married. Once upon a time at a younger more innocent age, I may even have conjured up long elaborate day dreams about my wedding day complete with a timeless frock based loosely on the wedding dress worn by Grace Kelly in High Society. In this daydream I am married in the beautiful church of Notre Dame in Marseille (obviously) and afterwards I celebrate by dancing to a swing band in the vineyards of Aix en Provence drinking pink champagne. I envisage 8 bridesmaids, 1 gay matron of honour and my Dad and I share many soppy Father of the Bride moments. My hair looks perfect, my teeth have been whitened, I am a stone lighter in weight and possibly one bra size bigger. However, for all my daydreaming there has always been one crucial element missing; my future husband.  For some reason my daydream edited out all the key moments when a man was required. Oh how daydreams often imitate life!

I now recognise that my future husband was faceless because for this particular daydream to come true he is actually completely surplus to requirements. Money permitting I can have the dress, go to lovely French churches and dance in vineyards with my friends. I could even get a boob job, and I will think about maybe going on a diet.Why wait for my wedding day?

My point is, a wedding is just a wedding. Yes tomorrow will be a big deal for Kate and Wills and my brother's wedding day will be a wonderful day for them. But it will be just a day. Getting married, and in particular staying married is about much, much more. This goes for those who choose not to marry, but to quite simply be committed to another person for a lifetime. It is about emotions, ideas and intentions that I'm not able to qualify or quantify in words. Maybe one day. What I can understand and appreciate is that it is importantly about finding and sticking with a very, very special other person.

Despite my lacklustre attitude towards tomorrow's royal wedding (I will be blissfully unaware and potentially already under the influence on a plane on my way to sunnier climes) I hope Commoner Kate and Prince William have found their very special other persons.

I await my brother's wedding day with much more emotion (I cried when I got the invite, ye Gods!!) and excitement, because they have found in each other a very special person and a very special love. They have a lovely day and a lovely marriage to look forward to. I am also going to be a bridesmaid and my dress is really pretty.

My brother and his very special person.

I couldn't help but end with a few quotes I found about marriage, starting with no less than the Grandfather of the Groom's take on it all: 

"When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife." Prince Philip

"Come, let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with."  Charles Dickens

"Husbands are like fires.  They go out when unattended." Zsa Zsa Gabor

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." Germaine Greer

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him." Cher

"Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing." Duane Dewel

"Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit."  Billy Connolly

I think I like this the best:  

"Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths." Mark Twain

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